In the Name of Allah, most Compassionate, most
Merciful

i come across this nice story yesterday....may Allah
bless us...

Natassia
A search for truth
I was raised to believe in God from childhood. I
attended church nearly every Sunday, went to Bible
school, and sang in the choir. Yet religion was never
a really big part of my life.
There were times when I thought myself close to God.
I often prayed to him for guidance and strength in
times of despair or for a wish in times of want. But
I soon realized that this feeling of closeness soon
evaporated when I was no longer begging God for
something. I realized that I even though I believed,
I lacked faith.

I perceived the world to be a game in which God
indulged in from time to time. He inspired people to
write a Bible and somehow people were able to find
faith within this Bible.

As I grew older and became more aware of the world, I
believed more in God. I believed that there had to be
a God to bring some order to the chaotic world. If
there were no God, I believed the world would have
ended in utter anarchy thousands of years ago. It was
comfort to me to believe there was a supernatural
force guiding and protecting man.

Children usually assume thei religion from parents. I
was no different. At the age of 12, I began to give
in depth thinking to my spirituality. I realized
there was a void in my life where a faith should be.
Whenever I was in need or despair, I simply prayed to
someone called Lord. But who was this Lord truly? I
once asked my mother who to pray to, Jesus or God.
Believing my mother to be right, I prayed to Jesus and
to him I attributed all good things.

I have heard that religion cannot be argued. My
friends and I tried to do this many times. I often had
debates with my friends about Protestantism,
Catholicism, and Judaism. Through these debates I
searched within myself more and more and decided I
should do something about my emptiness. And so at the
age of 13, I began my search for truth.

Humankind is always in constant pursuit of knowledge
or the truth. My search for truth could not be deemed
as an active pursuit of knowledge. I continued having
the debates, and I read the Bible more. But it did
not really extend from this. During this period of
time my mother took notice of my behavior and from
then on I have been in a "religious phase." My
behavior was far from a phase. I simply shared my
newly gained knowledge with my family. I learned
about the beliefs, practices, and doctrines within
Christianity and minimal beliefs and practices within
Judaism.

A few months within my search I realized that if I
believe in Christianity I believed myself to be
condemned to Hell. Not even considering the sins of
my past, I was on a "one way road to Hell" as southern
ministers tend to say. I could not believe all the
teachings within Christianity. However, I did try.

I can remember many times being in church and fighting
with myself during the Call to Discipleship. I was
told that by simply confessing Jesus to be my Lord and
Savior I would be guaranteed eternal life in Heaven.
I never did walk down the aisle to the pastor's
outstretched hands, and my reluctance even increased
my fears of heading for Hell. During this time I was
at unease. I often had alarming nightmares, and I
felt very alone in the world.

But not only did I lack belief but I had many
questions that I posed to every knowledgeable
Christian I could find and never really did receive a
satisfactory answer. I was simply told things that
confused me even more. I was told that I am trying to
put logic to God and if I had faith I could simply
believe and go to Heaven. Well, that was the problem
I did not have faith. I did not believe.

I did not really believe in anything. I did believe
there was a God and that Jesus was his son sent to
save humankind. That was it. My questions and
reasoning did, however, exceed my beliefs.

The questions went on and on. My perplexity
increased. My uncertainty increased. For fifteen
years I had blindly followed a faith simply because it
was the faith of my parents.

Something happened in my life in which the little
faith I did have decreased to all but nothing. My
search came to a stop. I no longer searched within
myself, the Bible. or church. I had given up for a
while. I was a very bitter parson until one day a
friend gave me a book. It was called "The
Muslim-Christian Dialogue."

I took the book and read it. I am ashamed to say that
during my searching never did I once consider another
religion. Christianity was all I knew, and I never
thought about leaving it. My knowledge of Islam was
very minimal. In fact, it was mainly filled with
misconception and stereotypes. The book surprised me.
I found that I was not the only one who believed
there was a simply a God. I asked for more books. I
received them as well as pamphlets.

I learned about Islam from an intellectual aspect. I
had a close friend who was Muslim and I often asked
her questions about the practices. Never did I once
consider Islam as my faith. Many things about Islam
alienated me

After a couple months of reading the month of Ramadan
began. Every Friday I could I joined the local Muslim
community for the breaking of the fast and the
reciting of the Quran. I posed questions that I may
have come across to the Muslim girls. I was in awe at
how someone could have so much certainty in what they
believed and followed. I felt myself drawn to the
religion that alienated me.

Having believed for so long that I was alone, Islam
did comfort me in many ways. Islam was brought as a
reminder to the world. It was brought to lead the
people back to the right path.

Beliefs were not the only thing important to me. I
wanted a discipline to pattern my life by. I did not
just want to believe someone was my savior and through
this I held the ticket to Heaven. I wanted to know
how to act to receive the approval of God. I wanted a
closeness to God. I wanted to be God-conscious. Most
of all I wanted a chance for heaven. I began to feel
that Christianity did not give this to me, but Islam
did.

I continued learning more. I went to the Eid
celebration and jumua and weekly classes with my
friends.

Through religion one receives peace of mind. A
calmness about them. This I had off and on for about
three years. During the off times I was more
susceptible to the temptations of Satan. In early
February of 1997 I came to the realization that Islam
was right and true. However, I did not want to make
any hasty decisions. I did decide to wait.

Within this duration the temptations of Satan
increased. I can recollect two dreams in which he was
a presence. Satan was calling me to him. After I
awoke from these nightmares I found solace in Islam.
I found myself repeating the Shahadah. These dreams
almost made me change my mind. I confided them in my
Muslim friend. She suggested that maybe Satan was
there to lead me from the truth. I never thought of
it that way.

On March 19, 1997 after returning from a weekly class,
I recited the Shahadah to myself. Then on March 26, I
recited it before witnesses and became an official
Muslim.

I cannot express the joy I felt. I cannot express the
weight that was lifted from my shoulders. I had
finally received my peace of mind.

It has been about five months since I recited the
Shahadah. Islam has made me a better person. I am
stronger now and understand things more. My life has
changed significantly. I now have purpose. My
purpose is to prove myself worthy of eternal life in
Jannah. I have my long sought after faith. Religion
is a part of me all the time. I am striving everyday
to become the best Muslim I can be.

People are often amazed at how a fifteen year old can
make such an important decision in life. I am
grateful that Allah blessed me with my state of mind
that I was able to find it so young.

Striving to be a good Muslim in a Christian dominated
society is hard. Living with a Christian family is
even harder. However, I do not try to get
discouraged. I do not wish to dwell on my present
predicament, but I believe that my jihad is simply
making me stronger. Someone once told me that I am
better off than some people who were born into Islam,
in that I had to find, experience, and realize the
greatness and mercy of
Allah. I have acquired the reasoning that seventy
years of life on earth is nothing compared to eternal
life in Paradise.

I must admit that I lack the aptitude to express the
greatness, mercy, and glory of Allah. I hope my
account helped others who may feel the way I felt or
struggle the way I struggled.